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If you watched Bridgerton for the plot, the plot being: Daph and the Duke’s ladder antics (guilty), and your Netflix aura is basically soft porn with a side of salacious spoon-licking, then consider Lady Chatterley’s Lover your official love lust language.
Based on the once-scandalous racy novel by D.H. Lawrence, this romantic drama follows Lady Chatterley as she cares for her husband Clifford who became paralysed during WWI. Lonely, depressed and trapped in a loveless marriage, she begins a passionate affair with the gamekeeper on her husband’s country estate. And what a keeper he is…
Starring The Crown’s Emma Corrin, Jack O’Connell and Matthew Duckett, this horny Netflix triumph is a welcome palate cleanser between all the Christmas movies. Just don’t watch it with ya gran.
Without further ado, here’s all the *burning* thoughts we had whilst watching Lady Chatterley’s Lover one, ahem, wholesome Sunday afternoon in December…
1. Emma Corrin is *radiant * as ever.
2. It’s like Downton Abbey, only with real downstairs drama.
3. Period drama, check. Film based on a book, check. Steamy romantic drama, check. Celebration of female sexuality, check.
4. New kink unlocked: shirt and braces.
5. Yes Netflix, normalise self-pleasure.
6. No one gets that excited to read James Joyce. No one.
7. We’re 10 minutes in and already in a permanent Oliver Mellors chokehold.
8. It appears we have wrongfully slept on this man for 84 years but now we’re wide awake (sorry Skins fans, you were right to gatekeep).
9. Might just save on the heating bill and put Jack O’Connell on instead.
10. It may be 3pm on a Sunday but we refuse to turn the tv down. These two deserve to lust loudly.
11. Taking a break approximately 55 mins and 8 seconds in because *that* kiss has undone whatever was left of us.
12. Blushing like a gammon over here – this film really slaps.
13. We are not ashamed to admit we’re making some prehistoric noises over here.
14. Plot twist: suddenly feel quite attached to the idea of shed sex.
15. And becoming a serious walker.
16. Of course the intimacy coordinator responsible for Normal People is the woman behind this visual feast. Ita O’Brien is god-tier.
17. The bush cinematography is a work of art.
18. That naked rain dance scene… Jesus take the wheel.
19. A little commotion for Lady C’s fits. This woman knows how to dress to be undressed.
20. Serious question, where was the dog when all this was going on?
21. The way he laid his coat down on that forest floor and ripped her dress open. Our soul hasn’t been seen since.
22. Mellors: “You don’t want to be a lady?”
Lady Chatterley: “Not with you”
Mellors: “You would want courser treatment with me?”
Lady Chatterley: “Mm-hmm”
Mellors: *yanks chignon*
23. How our hearts beat like the wings of a thousand hummingbirds trapped in a wax-sealed envelope.
24. Suddenly cold water therapy in December doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. Get us a Wim Hof shower immediately.
25. This is the cottagecore literary porn we need this Yuletide. Merry Christmas m’lady, Merry Christmas.
26. *Orders the book*
27. Watching Lady Chatterley’s Lover > Watching the football. It’s coming home somewhere.
28. How can we go about finding someone who will join us in naked forest pursuits and comfortably hold our weight whilst ruining us amongst the bracken?
29. Brb, we’re relocating to the woods.
30. Run don’t walk to Netflix, guys.
